Thursday, September 11, 2014
It's Been Too Long...
I ran across my own blog today. Go figure. I read through some of my old posts and all I could do was cry. I cried because I've been through a lot. I cried because I've survived a lot. I cried because when I look back over my life and think things over, God has been good to me. It's been two years since I wrote an entry. Seems as though I could never get into this blogging thing but people swear by it now. I thought I may give it another go.
If I try to cram into this one entry what has been going on for the past two years, y'all would certainly stop reading and would probably never return to read anything else I write. Lol
So, for this post, I'm just coming back to say, "Hello," and that I'm back...again! If you've read my other posts here you already know I'm transparent, and that is the standard I have set for my life. I don't tell ALL my business, but I usually tell a good bit of it. Lol I just believe that's how people's lives are changed. My successes and failures could help someone else. So, get ready for the ride. I can't wait to dive back in and let y'all read a peek into "The Diary." This blog used to be named after my first book, Diary of a Mad First Lady, but I ain't mad no more! Just kidding. I was never mad in the first place. Not for real. hehehe But, seriously, I've had more heartbreak, more agony, more trials, more tribulations, more joys, more laughs, more triumphs, and more blessings since my last post but all of it, the good and the bad, has made me better,stronger, wiser.
I'll post a little later (currently in the writing cave) and catch you up on all of my tea. ;-)
Yours truly,
DiShan
Monday, April 30, 2012
The Exit Exam
Blessings to each of you!
I promised to do better about writing, so here I am! :-)
I am in the midst of finishing up my 2013 novel to send in to my agent, and I am far behind, so I have to make this short. But, I wanted to post a link to a message I preached this morning titled, "The Exit Exam."
I did a series of tweets on this either this past Thursday or Friday, so if you follow me (@iamDishan), please scroll my TL to get some inspirational nuggets about what God is saying to those of you who are in a test right now. You are not in this test to go to another level, you are in this test because God is trying to take you to another PLACE--your wealthy PLACE. Psalm 66:10-12.
Please take a moment to view the links below. They are only snippets, but I pray that you are encouraged, empowered, and motivated to not give up, but finish this test! Why? Because you are on your way out! You are too close to your exit to turn around now. You should give God a praise right NOW wherever you are!!!!!!
Love you all so much. Keep fighting, keep pressing, and keep holding up the blood stained banner.
Amazed by His Love,
DiShan W.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
"A Walk In the Dark Is No Walk in the Park"
Hey everybody!
It's been a while. A long while. I must say that when I blogged last time, I had every intention of keeping it up. But, how many of you know that life will take unexpected turns and you will find yourself doing everything you can just to survive and keep your right mind?
I honestly believed that the worst was over at the time of my last blog, but, friends, the worst got worst. Yep, the devil came with an even greater attack. But, you're reading this blog b/c in spite of what he tried to do...I SURVIVED.
And, I believe that you, yes, you, have survived plenty since you last heard from me. You can shout right now because, beloved, you made it. You survived the attacks from the enemy and not only did you survive, you came out with your hands still lifted giving God praise b/c you know that had it not been for Him on your side, you don't know where you would be!
So, I wanted to encourage you tonight. Sometimes faith is difficult to have when you are in the midst of your greatest trials. Faith can often times get hidden behind your obstacles. Your faith can be bruised so to the point you don't even know if you have faith anymore. But, let me just tell you. It is in those times when we must learn how to rely on God. It's in those times when we have to learn to trust God even when we can't see God.
I remember having a dream over a year ago. I was riding down the expressway with no lights & I recall getting off of an exit because I was afraid that if I kept going, I would cause tremendous damage to myself or someone else. Right before I got off the exit, I heard God tell me to keep going because just a few miles down the road I could see lights. I could see a city that was lit up. But, because I was afraid that I wouldn't make it, I decided to get off the nearest exit.
I would bet that many of you have done the same thing in real life. Things will look so dark and bleak and because you're afraid to keep going and trust God, you give up and rely on your own ability. But, I want to encourage you tonight; keep going. Keep walking by faith. You're not totally walking by faith, UNTIL you are walking in the dark. UNTIL you can't see your way out of a situation. Oft times, God does not give us turn by turn directions to our next stop, but will just tell us to trust Him. The Bible teaches us that we should walk by faith and not by sight. The bible tells us that without faith, it is impossible to please God.
It is easier said than done. I know.
Some months ago, my marriage ended. I was devastated. I had a relatively new baby & the man I had been married to since I was 16 yeas old, my best friend, was no longer going to be my husband. And, if you have ever gone through separation and/or divorce, you know how difficult that is and can be. Once again, I fell into a depression. I fell into a deep, dark place and many days and nights, I was angry. I was angry with God. I was angry with him. I was angry with myself. I was angry with everybody and everything. Just angry. I first blamed God. I could not believe that He would allow that to happen to me after I had spent most of my life (literally) doing ministry and trying to please Him. My first thought was to just give up. I had no idea how I would make it. I had no idea how I would pay my bills, keep a roof over my head, have food...etc. I had given my life to ministry. It was all I really knew. All I really had. And, when that was no longer there, I was left to figure out what to do next.
That is when I learned, my friends, that true faith is like walking in the dark. And, walking in the dark is not fun. It is definitely not a walk in the park. I literally found myself living from day to day. I found myself trusting God in a way I had never trusted Him before. People, some I knew, some I didn't, started calling me and saying that God had told them to bless me with $20, $50, $250, etc. I was even in line at the grocery store once and a stranger paid for my groceries. That night I had gotten down to $17. But, it was things like that that kept building my faith. God showed himself over and over again. Finally, I was convinced. God had me. And He was in control of my life. I got to the place where walking in the dark wasn't as scary as it had once been. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord would take care of me. My grandmother would say, "You can't make me doubt Him, I know too much about Him." So, beloved, I'm to the point that whatever comes, I'm in His hands. It doesn't matter if He comes when there's one second left on the clock--as long as He comes, I'm alright.
So, no matte what you are facing, just remember your faith is increasing. Your walk in the dark is teaching you how to follow His voice even when you can't see His face or hand. He will never leave or forsake you. You must believe it. You must have faith and KNOW it.
Now, I'm going to try and blog more often, but I won't make any promises to you this time. I value each of you who follow me and take the time to read what I have to say. Thank you. :-)
Do me a favor.
Pray for me as I pray for you. God is doing some great things in my life, and hopefully soon I can come here and share with you all. In the meantime, let's keep each other lifted, and let's become experts in our faith walk. If you remember nothing else you read, remember: GOD'S GOT YOU.
I love you & I'll be back soon. :-)
It's been a while. A long while. I must say that when I blogged last time, I had every intention of keeping it up. But, how many of you know that life will take unexpected turns and you will find yourself doing everything you can just to survive and keep your right mind?
I honestly believed that the worst was over at the time of my last blog, but, friends, the worst got worst. Yep, the devil came with an even greater attack. But, you're reading this blog b/c in spite of what he tried to do...I SURVIVED.
And, I believe that you, yes, you, have survived plenty since you last heard from me. You can shout right now because, beloved, you made it. You survived the attacks from the enemy and not only did you survive, you came out with your hands still lifted giving God praise b/c you know that had it not been for Him on your side, you don't know where you would be!
So, I wanted to encourage you tonight. Sometimes faith is difficult to have when you are in the midst of your greatest trials. Faith can often times get hidden behind your obstacles. Your faith can be bruised so to the point you don't even know if you have faith anymore. But, let me just tell you. It is in those times when we must learn how to rely on God. It's in those times when we have to learn to trust God even when we can't see God.
I remember having a dream over a year ago. I was riding down the expressway with no lights & I recall getting off of an exit because I was afraid that if I kept going, I would cause tremendous damage to myself or someone else. Right before I got off the exit, I heard God tell me to keep going because just a few miles down the road I could see lights. I could see a city that was lit up. But, because I was afraid that I wouldn't make it, I decided to get off the nearest exit.
I would bet that many of you have done the same thing in real life. Things will look so dark and bleak and because you're afraid to keep going and trust God, you give up and rely on your own ability. But, I want to encourage you tonight; keep going. Keep walking by faith. You're not totally walking by faith, UNTIL you are walking in the dark. UNTIL you can't see your way out of a situation. Oft times, God does not give us turn by turn directions to our next stop, but will just tell us to trust Him. The Bible teaches us that we should walk by faith and not by sight. The bible tells us that without faith, it is impossible to please God.
It is easier said than done. I know.
Some months ago, my marriage ended. I was devastated. I had a relatively new baby & the man I had been married to since I was 16 yeas old, my best friend, was no longer going to be my husband. And, if you have ever gone through separation and/or divorce, you know how difficult that is and can be. Once again, I fell into a depression. I fell into a deep, dark place and many days and nights, I was angry. I was angry with God. I was angry with him. I was angry with myself. I was angry with everybody and everything. Just angry. I first blamed God. I could not believe that He would allow that to happen to me after I had spent most of my life (literally) doing ministry and trying to please Him. My first thought was to just give up. I had no idea how I would make it. I had no idea how I would pay my bills, keep a roof over my head, have food...etc. I had given my life to ministry. It was all I really knew. All I really had. And, when that was no longer there, I was left to figure out what to do next.
That is when I learned, my friends, that true faith is like walking in the dark. And, walking in the dark is not fun. It is definitely not a walk in the park. I literally found myself living from day to day. I found myself trusting God in a way I had never trusted Him before. People, some I knew, some I didn't, started calling me and saying that God had told them to bless me with $20, $50, $250, etc. I was even in line at the grocery store once and a stranger paid for my groceries. That night I had gotten down to $17. But, it was things like that that kept building my faith. God showed himself over and over again. Finally, I was convinced. God had me. And He was in control of my life. I got to the place where walking in the dark wasn't as scary as it had once been. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord would take care of me. My grandmother would say, "You can't make me doubt Him, I know too much about Him." So, beloved, I'm to the point that whatever comes, I'm in His hands. It doesn't matter if He comes when there's one second left on the clock--as long as He comes, I'm alright.
So, no matte what you are facing, just remember your faith is increasing. Your walk in the dark is teaching you how to follow His voice even when you can't see His face or hand. He will never leave or forsake you. You must believe it. You must have faith and KNOW it.
Now, I'm going to try and blog more often, but I won't make any promises to you this time. I value each of you who follow me and take the time to read what I have to say. Thank you. :-)
Do me a favor.
Pray for me as I pray for you. God is doing some great things in my life, and hopefully soon I can come here and share with you all. In the meantime, let's keep each other lifted, and let's become experts in our faith walk. If you remember nothing else you read, remember: GOD'S GOT YOU.
I love you & I'll be back soon. :-)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Back on Track
Hey!
I know I've been slacking again with writing my blog, but I have been making moves! Over the past year, so much has happened, and so I've been working on getting back on track.
Most recently I had an encounter w/God and I my relationship w/Him got back on track. I'll admit, I wasn't too thrilled about the things I have endured in the last year, and so I sort of, kind of, strayed away a little. I didn't completely backslide, lol, but I wasn't praying right. I wasn't studying the Word like I should. Honestly, I was trying to handle things on my own. But, just one encounter last Saturday took me to a different place spiritually! I'm back on track!
God has divinely connected me w/some people & I'm even getting my business life back on track! I'm taking myself seriously, realizing I've wasted enough time and it's now time for me to take authority and claim what God says is mine!
What areas in your life do you need to get back on track? What caused your detours? Once you identify the answers to those questions, you're one step closer to getting back on track. God is gving you the green light & it's time for you to get up and be about your life. It's time for you to walk in your calling and live out your purpose. The world is waiting on you! You were destined for something great! Believe it!
I'm going to do better about blogging because I have so much I want to say to you guys. Please bear with me! I'm working on getting a couple of assistants to help me get organized so I can keep up with all that I'm tryng to do. In the meantime, y'all keep praying for me. I'm certainly praying for you!
I love you!
Be blessed!
I know I've been slacking again with writing my blog, but I have been making moves! Over the past year, so much has happened, and so I've been working on getting back on track.
Most recently I had an encounter w/God and I my relationship w/Him got back on track. I'll admit, I wasn't too thrilled about the things I have endured in the last year, and so I sort of, kind of, strayed away a little. I didn't completely backslide, lol, but I wasn't praying right. I wasn't studying the Word like I should. Honestly, I was trying to handle things on my own. But, just one encounter last Saturday took me to a different place spiritually! I'm back on track!
God has divinely connected me w/some people & I'm even getting my business life back on track! I'm taking myself seriously, realizing I've wasted enough time and it's now time for me to take authority and claim what God says is mine!
What areas in your life do you need to get back on track? What caused your detours? Once you identify the answers to those questions, you're one step closer to getting back on track. God is gving you the green light & it's time for you to get up and be about your life. It's time for you to walk in your calling and live out your purpose. The world is waiting on you! You were destined for something great! Believe it!
I'm going to do better about blogging because I have so much I want to say to you guys. Please bear with me! I'm working on getting a couple of assistants to help me get organized so I can keep up with all that I'm tryng to do. In the meantime, y'all keep praying for me. I'm certainly praying for you!
I love you!
Be blessed!
Friday, July 1, 2011
In God I Trust...Sometimes
It's been some days since I wrote but my daughter is teething! And no one warned me for what I was about to go through! Geesh. My days have been long and the nights have been longer. Make sure when y'all pray at night, you lift a sista' up! :-) Lol
I don't have a long entry tonight. I just wanted to share with you something that I have been praying/fasting about since April. My trust in God. You know, it's really easy for us to say that we trust God, but when we find ourselves in certain situations, particular predicaments, or unusual quandaries, it often tests our faith. If you ask me if I trust God, I would immediately say, yes. But, when it comes down to it, when the storms start raging, when the fire is too hot--I often time lose my trust. I get tempted to start operating in my own logic. I know all of the scriptures any Christian should know concerning trust/faith, but boy does it get hard!
Lately, I've been hearing the same message over and over again. "Trust God." Strangers have been calling me to say that's what the Lord has led them to say to me. Family members. Friends. Everybody has been saying the same thing. So, it hit me earlier tonight that maybe--just maybe--I need to take heed and start working on trusting God more.
When you look back over your life, how much of it have you controlled anyway? You would think that we would know and understand that we can do nothing apart from God, but yet we try to take our problems, our situations, our needs, into our own hands. Our hands are not big enough to hold all of our stuff, but when we put our lives in the hands of God, we're assured that He can handle it. I'm reminded of a childhood song, "He's got the whole world in His hands." And He loves and cares about us so much, He will not allow the enemy to take either one of us out.
So, how much are you trusting God with your life? Are you putting your faith in Him? I believe that the body of Christ is about to go through a major shift. I believe that we are yet again about to walk in a season of prosperity. But, this season will be only for those who have not lost hope. For those who have kept the faith. Don't let your harvest rot because you walked away from the field to quick. You've taken all this time to plant the seeds. You've put your blood sweat and tears into nurturing your harvest. So, hang in there. You shall reap if you faint not!
!
Love you guys! Pray for me & I'm certainly praying for you!
Have a great night!
I don't have a long entry tonight. I just wanted to share with you something that I have been praying/fasting about since April. My trust in God. You know, it's really easy for us to say that we trust God, but when we find ourselves in certain situations, particular predicaments, or unusual quandaries, it often tests our faith. If you ask me if I trust God, I would immediately say, yes. But, when it comes down to it, when the storms start raging, when the fire is too hot--I often time lose my trust. I get tempted to start operating in my own logic. I know all of the scriptures any Christian should know concerning trust/faith, but boy does it get hard!
Lately, I've been hearing the same message over and over again. "Trust God." Strangers have been calling me to say that's what the Lord has led them to say to me. Family members. Friends. Everybody has been saying the same thing. So, it hit me earlier tonight that maybe--just maybe--I need to take heed and start working on trusting God more.
When you look back over your life, how much of it have you controlled anyway? You would think that we would know and understand that we can do nothing apart from God, but yet we try to take our problems, our situations, our needs, into our own hands. Our hands are not big enough to hold all of our stuff, but when we put our lives in the hands of God, we're assured that He can handle it. I'm reminded of a childhood song, "He's got the whole world in His hands." And He loves and cares about us so much, He will not allow the enemy to take either one of us out.
So, how much are you trusting God with your life? Are you putting your faith in Him? I believe that the body of Christ is about to go through a major shift. I believe that we are yet again about to walk in a season of prosperity. But, this season will be only for those who have not lost hope. For those who have kept the faith. Don't let your harvest rot because you walked away from the field to quick. You've taken all this time to plant the seeds. You've put your blood sweat and tears into nurturing your harvest. So, hang in there. You shall reap if you faint not!
!
Love you guys! Pray for me & I'm certainly praying for you!
Have a great night!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Lord, Help Me To Stay Out of Closed Doors!
Have you ever been involved in business relationships, personal relationships, etc that ended, and in the long run you realized it was for the best? Really? Me, too!
But, recently, I have found myself wanting to crack open some doors that the Lord CLEARLY closed. You know how it is when you're sitting around thinking about your life, and what needs to be done in order to get to where you're trying to go, it gets mighty tempting to go back up to that door and knock.
I, for one, am good at trying to handle things on my own, and when I don't feel God is moving fast enough, I get going. And, I cannot tell you how much trouble that has gotten me into. And, you would think that since I know the consequences of pushing down closed doors, I would wait on God. Yeah, er, uhm...
I think it's safe to say that a lot of my disappointments, heartaches, and failures have been the direct result of me getting in front of God, trying to do His job. It's a reason my life's resume doesn't include previous experience at being God. He is God alone. All by Himself. But, you know how we do.
Last year I made a decision to do something. I had always wanted to do it. I had been speaking it for many years, and finally I was presented an opportunity to do it. When I got to the signing table, I could hear bells, whistles, sirens, horns, bullhorns, megaphones, everything shouting at me not to do it. I signed on the dotted line, and in less than six months, it turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Every time I ride by this place now, I say a quick thank you. Not because it didn't work out, but because the Lord got me out of there!!
Even with all of the countless examples I could refer to of the Lord warning me and/or shutting things down, I was tempted today to call some numbers, send some emails, send a FB message, etc to some CLOSED DOORS. I'm sure you can tell how aggressive I am when it comes to my future, my destiny...and there have been some people God removed from my life who at one point I thought were the key to me going forward, but turned out to be otherwise. Yet, I was sitting somewhere today looking glossy eyed trying to tell myself all the reasons I need to JUST LET IT GO. WALK AWAY and STAY AWAY. Y'all know what I mean when you are staring into space for so long your eyes water up. Yep, that's how I was today. Why? B/c I'm getting impatient. I'm starting to grow weary of waiting on God. But, I heard in my spirit tonight, "My strength is made perfect in your weakness." So, I decided to just surrender all. I decided that those closed doors will stay closed. I won't lie and say that I won't be tempted to walk up to them every now and then and try to peek behind them, but I think I'll wait on God to open the right doors. Because the doors He opens, no man can close.
Love you guys, and I hope you stay away from those closed doors. It's a reason He closed them. Trust in the Lord & HE will give you the desires of your heart.
Til next time...keep it real!
Goodnight!
But, recently, I have found myself wanting to crack open some doors that the Lord CLEARLY closed. You know how it is when you're sitting around thinking about your life, and what needs to be done in order to get to where you're trying to go, it gets mighty tempting to go back up to that door and knock.
I, for one, am good at trying to handle things on my own, and when I don't feel God is moving fast enough, I get going. And, I cannot tell you how much trouble that has gotten me into. And, you would think that since I know the consequences of pushing down closed doors, I would wait on God. Yeah, er, uhm...
I think it's safe to say that a lot of my disappointments, heartaches, and failures have been the direct result of me getting in front of God, trying to do His job. It's a reason my life's resume doesn't include previous experience at being God. He is God alone. All by Himself. But, you know how we do.
Last year I made a decision to do something. I had always wanted to do it. I had been speaking it for many years, and finally I was presented an opportunity to do it. When I got to the signing table, I could hear bells, whistles, sirens, horns, bullhorns, megaphones, everything shouting at me not to do it. I signed on the dotted line, and in less than six months, it turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Every time I ride by this place now, I say a quick thank you. Not because it didn't work out, but because the Lord got me out of there!!
Even with all of the countless examples I could refer to of the Lord warning me and/or shutting things down, I was tempted today to call some numbers, send some emails, send a FB message, etc to some CLOSED DOORS. I'm sure you can tell how aggressive I am when it comes to my future, my destiny...and there have been some people God removed from my life who at one point I thought were the key to me going forward, but turned out to be otherwise. Yet, I was sitting somewhere today looking glossy eyed trying to tell myself all the reasons I need to JUST LET IT GO. WALK AWAY and STAY AWAY. Y'all know what I mean when you are staring into space for so long your eyes water up. Yep, that's how I was today. Why? B/c I'm getting impatient. I'm starting to grow weary of waiting on God. But, I heard in my spirit tonight, "My strength is made perfect in your weakness." So, I decided to just surrender all. I decided that those closed doors will stay closed. I won't lie and say that I won't be tempted to walk up to them every now and then and try to peek behind them, but I think I'll wait on God to open the right doors. Because the doors He opens, no man can close.
Love you guys, and I hope you stay away from those closed doors. It's a reason He closed them. Trust in the Lord & HE will give you the desires of your heart.
Til next time...keep it real!
Goodnight!
Monday, June 13, 2011
God's in Love with a Sinner...ME!
Heyyyy!
I know that I am sooo late writing tonight, but I have a baby, y'all! And, she was in one of her moods tonight and it took FOREVER to get her calm. So, please forgive me, as I know I've been tweeting/posting about this blog all day.
I am so excited to write about this topic now because lately I've been feeling a pressing in my spirit to do so. Now, let me say this before I continue. I am not a theological scholar, I am simply a witness for Jesus Christ, who wants to see each individual lived a maximized life. So, you are not about to see a bunch of scriptures on here, tonight. I'm not trying to preach in my blogs...I only use this as an avenue to share. If you want to hear me preach, then call my office and book me! Lol
Too often we have complicated Christianity. Thus, it has made some people believe that they have to get themselves "together" before they can serve Jesus Christ. It is the biggest misconception of all time. Truth is, those who think they have it all together...don't.
I was raised in the country by Apostolic grandparents and Baptist parents. As I stated in another blog, they were all pastors/preachers. So, you can imagine that the morals/values that were instilled in me were strict by some people's opinion. I am glad that they raised me the way they did, but if I could change something, I would change the fact that I grew up with somewhat of a self-righteous spirit. I felt that because I didn't do certain things, it made me a better Christian. I felt that since I didn't have certain temptations or struggles, I was in a better position to be blessed by God than others. Here's the truth. I was and am no better than anyone else.
I got married to a Pastor when I was 16 years old, and a part of me felt entitled to be in the "elite" group of saints. Honey, I felt like I was Jesus cousin! I felt that since I had given up my life to follow Jesus and to do His work at an early age, then He had no choice but to bless me. Especially since I was not out there "sinning" like most of my friends and the people I knew were. I mean, I was near perfect. So, I thought.
I had the audacity to turn my nose up at folks who would confide in me as their first lady (yes, at 17)and I found it hard to relate to folks who were dealing with addictions, etc. The only sin I thought I had ever committed at the time was fornication. I had slept with my husband before we got married. But, after we got married, I felt like I was a saint! No more sin!
I kept on living.
I went through an ordeal a few years ago. This ordeal took place after I had preached my first sermon. After I had ministered to hundreds of women across the country. After I had declared, decreed, and all of the other spiritual jargon we church folk use. It was after I had pointed my finger at other people.
So, when this particular thing first started happening, I didn't know what to do. I remember calling up one of my friends whose a Pastor, and she told me to come to her church one night. So, I did. I went to the service and was layed all out in the floor, crying and praying. Praying and crying. After this Holy-Ghost filled service, I went home, got my oil out, anointed my house, my socks, my shoes, my glasses, the picture frames, anything in sight...I anointed it with oil. Besides, that's what I'd been taught to do. After I did all of that, I laid hands on myself, and declared that the enemy would not have place or dominion in my life. I was ready to go. I was feeling super-soaker anointed, and dared the devil to come at me again.
Well, in spite of all that, he did.
Some months went by and the situation was not going away! I could not for the life of me see the end. So, what did I do? Did I keep on praying? Yep. Did I fast? Yep. Did I speak in tongues? Yep. Did I call on the prayer warriors? Yep. Did I get in the prayer lines? Yep. Did I sow a seed in the offering? Yep. Was I still preaching? Yep. See, you're not talking about a babe in Christ. I was/am a seasoned believer. I'm supposed to know what to do. Matter of fact, one of my gifts is prophetic dreaming. I dream things before they happen. But, guess what? My dreams had stopped. I wasn't seeing A THING!
So, what did I do??
I took my first drink. I will never forget that it took me two hours to drink one apple martini. That one drink turned into an addiction, so to the point that I would wake up craving the smell of an apple martini. I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Oh, I didn't stop there. I was so angry with God and myself, that I felt it was nowhere to go but further down. I didn't want to go to church, although I continued to go every Sunday. I would be sitting there waiting for it to end, so I could go get a drink and get my problems off of my mind. It got to the point where I didn't want to be around ANY church folk. Why? B/c in my mind they were all fake and pretending like their lives were perfect. Like they always had it together. So, I turned to the people we call "worldly". Yep, the First Lady did that. The preacher did that. The motivator, ministry consultant, the author, the woman of God, did that. I sure did. So, it went from one extreme to another. It no longer satisfied me to have a drink. So, the next thing I did was took my first trip to a club. It was, Club Ritz, here in Atlanta. I had NEVER seen the inside of one, and I remember the entire time I was praying that none of our church members would come in. How would it look for the first lady to be sitting in the corner drinking a Sex on the Beach cocktail (I had upgraded from the martini by then). How was I going to explain that??? Like for real??? Cause y'all know I would have been crucified and nailed to the cross by the church folk!! But, I kept on going for over a year!
I know you may be wondering why I am sharing this--my personal business. I'll tell you why. Because I am sick and tired, and tired and sick of pastors, leaders, preachers, whatever you want to call us portraying one thing and living another. I have done it, so I can talk about it. I have preached some of my best sermons the morning after I was out with my friends drinking all night. I would always have to rely on my talent and what I'd been taught concerning how to get a crowd going. I didn't think the Lord was with me, so often times, I would get up there and struggle to get through b/c I felt like the dirt I walked on!
So, finally, the weight of it all got the best of me. And, that is when I wanted to take my life. I had actually planned it out. Was getting ready to blow my brains out when my husband walked in the house and stopped me. I didn't think God loved me. I knew that if people knew what I was doing, they would no longer respect me. I had nowhere to turn. Again, I was raised to believe that almost everything was a sin. I mean if I talked to loud, I thought it was a sin. (I'm kidding--Lol) But, seriously. I wasn't raised to know what Christians could do. I just knew what I couldn't do. Nothing. Couldn't dance. Couldn't listen to nothing but gospel. Couldn't wear certain clothes. Couldn't chew gum. (I'm kidding, again) Therefore, when I started struggling with certain things, such as my temporary addiction to apple martinis, I was scared to go to sleep at night because I just knew I would wake up in hell if the Lord came back for me.
Y'all, lest I bore you with this testimony, I want to say this. God loves you. No matter what you do, NOTHING can separate you from the love of God. Your sins may separate you from your fellowship with Him. But, nothing you do can ever stop Him from loving on you. The Bible says, that the goodness of God leads us to repentance. And, that is what started my turnaround. Seeing that He was still loving on me, blessing me with new mercies, still hearing and answering my prayers...it made me want to please Him. It was no longer about what others thought or would think about me, my desire became to please Him, and Him alone.
I know we are held to a higher standard because of the positions we hold, but I'm seeing more and more people in "positions" falling because we have led people to believe that we are perfect. We have led people to believe that our breath don't stink, and that the sweet smelling aroma of the Holy Spirit is the only thing exuding from us. Ha! It's a lie! Don't believe it! I'm telling you, it's not true. The truth is we are ALL sinners saved by grace. We are ALL a wretched undone. And, sometimes we fall. And sometimes we fall HARD! Some of us are caught. Some of us are not. I wasn't caught, but I'm exposing myself because the devil can't live where there is light. He wants to trick you into believing that you have to keep your stuff in the dark. But, y'all know me, I'm going to keep it real!!! Deliverance can ONLY take place where there is honesty.
To sum it all up...God loves you! Don't let the opinions of others, the rules of others, or the expectations of others cause you to believe that God doesn't love you or He's less proud of you because you make mistakes. I will go as far as to say, if you commit transgressions--things you know are wrong, but do anyway.
Some of us are privileged to be called by God to lead His people, to preach/minister to His people. All of us are called to evangelize.
So, I don't write to you as a perfect person. I don't have an addiction to apple martinis anymore, but I still have things I'm working to overcome. I write to you as a woman whose striving for perfection. What is perfection you may ask. Who knows? That's why you have to please God and not man b/c the definition of perfection will vary depending on who you ask. That's just the truth.
Hopefully something you have read has motivated you to release the guilt you may feel. You are forgiven. You are redeemed. You are set free in the name of Jesus. You are more than a conqueror. You are saved as long as you confess Jesus as your personal Savior.
I love you and I pray that as you go forth in your life, you will not judge those who aren't like you. God is in love with all of those who are in love with Him. And, I'm so in love with Him. Thank God, His love is Agape--unconditional.
I'm going to bed now with a bowl of cherries (my favorite) and I pray that those of you who will read this tonight, will take a moment and embrace just how much love God has for you.
Until next time...keep it real.
That's what I'm doing.
P.S. For all the "deep" saints, I need to make sure I say that I'm not condoning sin of any kind. The sins that are mentioned in the Bible, nor the sins you've made up according to your own beliefs & have imposed on other people. #thatisall :-)
I know that I am sooo late writing tonight, but I have a baby, y'all! And, she was in one of her moods tonight and it took FOREVER to get her calm. So, please forgive me, as I know I've been tweeting/posting about this blog all day.
I am so excited to write about this topic now because lately I've been feeling a pressing in my spirit to do so. Now, let me say this before I continue. I am not a theological scholar, I am simply a witness for Jesus Christ, who wants to see each individual lived a maximized life. So, you are not about to see a bunch of scriptures on here, tonight. I'm not trying to preach in my blogs...I only use this as an avenue to share. If you want to hear me preach, then call my office and book me! Lol
Too often we have complicated Christianity. Thus, it has made some people believe that they have to get themselves "together" before they can serve Jesus Christ. It is the biggest misconception of all time. Truth is, those who think they have it all together...don't.
I was raised in the country by Apostolic grandparents and Baptist parents. As I stated in another blog, they were all pastors/preachers. So, you can imagine that the morals/values that were instilled in me were strict by some people's opinion. I am glad that they raised me the way they did, but if I could change something, I would change the fact that I grew up with somewhat of a self-righteous spirit. I felt that because I didn't do certain things, it made me a better Christian. I felt that since I didn't have certain temptations or struggles, I was in a better position to be blessed by God than others. Here's the truth. I was and am no better than anyone else.
I got married to a Pastor when I was 16 years old, and a part of me felt entitled to be in the "elite" group of saints. Honey, I felt like I was Jesus cousin! I felt that since I had given up my life to follow Jesus and to do His work at an early age, then He had no choice but to bless me. Especially since I was not out there "sinning" like most of my friends and the people I knew were. I mean, I was near perfect. So, I thought.
I had the audacity to turn my nose up at folks who would confide in me as their first lady (yes, at 17)and I found it hard to relate to folks who were dealing with addictions, etc. The only sin I thought I had ever committed at the time was fornication. I had slept with my husband before we got married. But, after we got married, I felt like I was a saint! No more sin!
I kept on living.
I went through an ordeal a few years ago. This ordeal took place after I had preached my first sermon. After I had ministered to hundreds of women across the country. After I had declared, decreed, and all of the other spiritual jargon we church folk use. It was after I had pointed my finger at other people.
So, when this particular thing first started happening, I didn't know what to do. I remember calling up one of my friends whose a Pastor, and she told me to come to her church one night. So, I did. I went to the service and was layed all out in the floor, crying and praying. Praying and crying. After this Holy-Ghost filled service, I went home, got my oil out, anointed my house, my socks, my shoes, my glasses, the picture frames, anything in sight...I anointed it with oil. Besides, that's what I'd been taught to do. After I did all of that, I laid hands on myself, and declared that the enemy would not have place or dominion in my life. I was ready to go. I was feeling super-soaker anointed, and dared the devil to come at me again.
Well, in spite of all that, he did.
Some months went by and the situation was not going away! I could not for the life of me see the end. So, what did I do? Did I keep on praying? Yep. Did I fast? Yep. Did I speak in tongues? Yep. Did I call on the prayer warriors? Yep. Did I get in the prayer lines? Yep. Did I sow a seed in the offering? Yep. Was I still preaching? Yep. See, you're not talking about a babe in Christ. I was/am a seasoned believer. I'm supposed to know what to do. Matter of fact, one of my gifts is prophetic dreaming. I dream things before they happen. But, guess what? My dreams had stopped. I wasn't seeing A THING!
So, what did I do??
I took my first drink. I will never forget that it took me two hours to drink one apple martini. That one drink turned into an addiction, so to the point that I would wake up craving the smell of an apple martini. I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed. Oh, I didn't stop there. I was so angry with God and myself, that I felt it was nowhere to go but further down. I didn't want to go to church, although I continued to go every Sunday. I would be sitting there waiting for it to end, so I could go get a drink and get my problems off of my mind. It got to the point where I didn't want to be around ANY church folk. Why? B/c in my mind they were all fake and pretending like their lives were perfect. Like they always had it together. So, I turned to the people we call "worldly". Yep, the First Lady did that. The preacher did that. The motivator, ministry consultant, the author, the woman of God, did that. I sure did. So, it went from one extreme to another. It no longer satisfied me to have a drink. So, the next thing I did was took my first trip to a club. It was, Club Ritz, here in Atlanta. I had NEVER seen the inside of one, and I remember the entire time I was praying that none of our church members would come in. How would it look for the first lady to be sitting in the corner drinking a Sex on the Beach cocktail (I had upgraded from the martini by then). How was I going to explain that??? Like for real??? Cause y'all know I would have been crucified and nailed to the cross by the church folk!! But, I kept on going for over a year!
I know you may be wondering why I am sharing this--my personal business. I'll tell you why. Because I am sick and tired, and tired and sick of pastors, leaders, preachers, whatever you want to call us portraying one thing and living another. I have done it, so I can talk about it. I have preached some of my best sermons the morning after I was out with my friends drinking all night. I would always have to rely on my talent and what I'd been taught concerning how to get a crowd going. I didn't think the Lord was with me, so often times, I would get up there and struggle to get through b/c I felt like the dirt I walked on!
So, finally, the weight of it all got the best of me. And, that is when I wanted to take my life. I had actually planned it out. Was getting ready to blow my brains out when my husband walked in the house and stopped me. I didn't think God loved me. I knew that if people knew what I was doing, they would no longer respect me. I had nowhere to turn. Again, I was raised to believe that almost everything was a sin. I mean if I talked to loud, I thought it was a sin. (I'm kidding--Lol) But, seriously. I wasn't raised to know what Christians could do. I just knew what I couldn't do. Nothing. Couldn't dance. Couldn't listen to nothing but gospel. Couldn't wear certain clothes. Couldn't chew gum. (I'm kidding, again) Therefore, when I started struggling with certain things, such as my temporary addiction to apple martinis, I was scared to go to sleep at night because I just knew I would wake up in hell if the Lord came back for me.
Y'all, lest I bore you with this testimony, I want to say this. God loves you. No matter what you do, NOTHING can separate you from the love of God. Your sins may separate you from your fellowship with Him. But, nothing you do can ever stop Him from loving on you. The Bible says, that the goodness of God leads us to repentance. And, that is what started my turnaround. Seeing that He was still loving on me, blessing me with new mercies, still hearing and answering my prayers...it made me want to please Him. It was no longer about what others thought or would think about me, my desire became to please Him, and Him alone.
I know we are held to a higher standard because of the positions we hold, but I'm seeing more and more people in "positions" falling because we have led people to believe that we are perfect. We have led people to believe that our breath don't stink, and that the sweet smelling aroma of the Holy Spirit is the only thing exuding from us. Ha! It's a lie! Don't believe it! I'm telling you, it's not true. The truth is we are ALL sinners saved by grace. We are ALL a wretched undone. And, sometimes we fall. And sometimes we fall HARD! Some of us are caught. Some of us are not. I wasn't caught, but I'm exposing myself because the devil can't live where there is light. He wants to trick you into believing that you have to keep your stuff in the dark. But, y'all know me, I'm going to keep it real!!! Deliverance can ONLY take place where there is honesty.
To sum it all up...God loves you! Don't let the opinions of others, the rules of others, or the expectations of others cause you to believe that God doesn't love you or He's less proud of you because you make mistakes. I will go as far as to say, if you commit transgressions--things you know are wrong, but do anyway.
Some of us are privileged to be called by God to lead His people, to preach/minister to His people. All of us are called to evangelize.
So, I don't write to you as a perfect person. I don't have an addiction to apple martinis anymore, but I still have things I'm working to overcome. I write to you as a woman whose striving for perfection. What is perfection you may ask. Who knows? That's why you have to please God and not man b/c the definition of perfection will vary depending on who you ask. That's just the truth.
Hopefully something you have read has motivated you to release the guilt you may feel. You are forgiven. You are redeemed. You are set free in the name of Jesus. You are more than a conqueror. You are saved as long as you confess Jesus as your personal Savior.
I love you and I pray that as you go forth in your life, you will not judge those who aren't like you. God is in love with all of those who are in love with Him. And, I'm so in love with Him. Thank God, His love is Agape--unconditional.
I'm going to bed now with a bowl of cherries (my favorite) and I pray that those of you who will read this tonight, will take a moment and embrace just how much love God has for you.
Until next time...keep it real.
That's what I'm doing.
P.S. For all the "deep" saints, I need to make sure I say that I'm not condoning sin of any kind. The sins that are mentioned in the Bible, nor the sins you've made up according to your own beliefs & have imposed on other people. #thatisall :-)
Sunday, June 12, 2011
One of those nights...
I know it's late y'all, but I'm sitting under the dryer in this quiet room and my mind is running a thousand miles per hour! It's nights like these when I come up with my most creative ideas (books, plays, etc etc) So, as I am sitting here I'm giving serious thought to writing a tell-all book about my life. Do y'all think people will read it? I mean, I've only been living for almost 31 years, but my God the things I've been through have been...whew. Getting married @ 16...I could start right there! Lol
So, anyway...
Today, I was reading my timeline on Twitter, and b/c I follow a lot of Pastors, I'm able to see some very interesting discussions. Seemingly, the hot topic today was Steve Harvey hosting TBN last night. And, y'all know what? Call me crazy, unholy, unsaved--whatever you want--but I see no problem with it. Some Pastors were going in on him & was accusing him of trying to preach, blah, blah, blah. First of all, who are we to judge? Second of all, since when was it wrong for anyone to talk & proclaim the name of Jesus?? Isn't the purpose of our Christianity to witness Jesus Christ? Seriously, we as Christians need to get off of our high horses! We need to be careful who we call saved & unsaved based on what we know about a person. Truth be told, until we die, our testimony is not complete. As my grandmother would say, "Just keep on living." You never know when you may find yourself in need of grace. I can testify that if it had not been for the grace of God keeping me when I couldn't keep myself, I'd be a total mess!
So, let's stop bashing one another & pointing our judgemental finger at people who may not be "as saved as you."We are a wretched undone & need the new mercies we receive daily.
Okay, I'm done fussing. Lol I'm just tired of so-called church people. I've lived my life under a microscope my entire life. And, if you take a close look at me now, you'll see some flaws. I don't falunt them but I certainly don't deny their existence. If we would be honest about the things we struggle with, more people might get delivered.
For real this time, I'm done fussing. :-)
Welcome to all of my new followers and welcome back to the ones I already had. My main purpose is to use my life to be an encouragement to you so you can live your life freely. I spent many years living for other people. Trying to gain the approval of other people. It wore me out. I'm. Done.
Take care & have a blessed Sunday! And, remember to Keep it real!
Love ya!
So, anyway...
Today, I was reading my timeline on Twitter, and b/c I follow a lot of Pastors, I'm able to see some very interesting discussions. Seemingly, the hot topic today was Steve Harvey hosting TBN last night. And, y'all know what? Call me crazy, unholy, unsaved--whatever you want--but I see no problem with it. Some Pastors were going in on him & was accusing him of trying to preach, blah, blah, blah. First of all, who are we to judge? Second of all, since when was it wrong for anyone to talk & proclaim the name of Jesus?? Isn't the purpose of our Christianity to witness Jesus Christ? Seriously, we as Christians need to get off of our high horses! We need to be careful who we call saved & unsaved based on what we know about a person. Truth be told, until we die, our testimony is not complete. As my grandmother would say, "Just keep on living." You never know when you may find yourself in need of grace. I can testify that if it had not been for the grace of God keeping me when I couldn't keep myself, I'd be a total mess!
So, let's stop bashing one another & pointing our judgemental finger at people who may not be "as saved as you."We are a wretched undone & need the new mercies we receive daily.
Okay, I'm done fussing. Lol I'm just tired of so-called church people. I've lived my life under a microscope my entire life. And, if you take a close look at me now, you'll see some flaws. I don't falunt them but I certainly don't deny their existence. If we would be honest about the things we struggle with, more people might get delivered.
For real this time, I'm done fussing. :-)
Welcome to all of my new followers and welcome back to the ones I already had. My main purpose is to use my life to be an encouragement to you so you can live your life freely. I spent many years living for other people. Trying to gain the approval of other people. It wore me out. I'm. Done.
Take care & have a blessed Sunday! And, remember to Keep it real!
Love ya!
Friday, June 10, 2011
DiShan, Where You At???
Hey!
I know y'all have been wondering where I have been and what I have been up to for the past YEAR. Wow, you would not even begin to believe all that I have gone through. The fact of the matter is, I am still here!
I wanted to get back to my blog, because it felt so good to be able to come on here and vent, release, as well as encourage.
Okay, let's see. Where have I been?
For starters, I had a baby. Yep, a baby girl. She is absolutely the love and joy of my life. I feel that if she had not come, I would have been buried in a deep depression.
So, I know you guys remember me testifying about all of the wonderful things that were going on with me last year. The play. The movie. Well, it happened to me again. It all fell apart. As a result, my faith was really challenged and tested, and for the life of me, I could not figure out why bad things kept happening to me! I was so upset and angry with myself, with God, with everyone. Shortly after it all fell apart, I learned that my daughter was fighting for her life inside of me--probably due to all of the stress--and I knew something had to give. One thing after the other kept popping up. I was getting sicker by the day, I was emotionally bankrupt, had pretty much lost everything I owned physically...I mean, you name it and it happened.
It took me getting into the presence of God on a daily basis to come out of that depression. To top it all off, my marriage was severely affected by it all, and I was to the point that I just didn't care about anything anymore. I remember telling my mom once during the pregnancy, that I wasn't even sure I loved my daughter who was growing inside of me. Can you imagine testifying about all of these wonderful things that you are so sure is about to happen, finding out you're pregnant out of the blue, being sick all day every day, losing everything you owned, relationship falling apart, seemingly no one to turn to...I was just DONE!
But, when my little girl entered the world some months ago, I saw life so differently. She gave me a reason to not give up. To keep fighting. To keep going after the best. She taught me that it doesn't matter if the world knows my name, I am still somebody. I am her mother.
Just the other day, I found out some more disturbing news concerning the company that published my book.(I'll tell y'all about that later) It's a sad situation because people just refuse to do the right thing. SMH But, y'all know what? I'm going to keep on writing great books. I am not going to let nothing turn me around! I mean that.
So, y'all pray for a sista'! I know when it is all said and done, God is going to be exalted and everything the devil meant for bad, God is going to make it good!
Well, the baby is waking up, so I gotta run. I'll check back in with you all later!
Oh, and everyone is asking when Diary 2 will be released. We are looking at an August release date b/c I was late finishing it. If that happens, how about we get together and do a birthday/release party?? What y'all think? :-)
Until later, I love you, my blog-a-babies!
Keep it real!
I know y'all have been wondering where I have been and what I have been up to for the past YEAR. Wow, you would not even begin to believe all that I have gone through. The fact of the matter is, I am still here!
I wanted to get back to my blog, because it felt so good to be able to come on here and vent, release, as well as encourage.
Okay, let's see. Where have I been?
For starters, I had a baby. Yep, a baby girl. She is absolutely the love and joy of my life. I feel that if she had not come, I would have been buried in a deep depression.
So, I know you guys remember me testifying about all of the wonderful things that were going on with me last year. The play. The movie. Well, it happened to me again. It all fell apart. As a result, my faith was really challenged and tested, and for the life of me, I could not figure out why bad things kept happening to me! I was so upset and angry with myself, with God, with everyone. Shortly after it all fell apart, I learned that my daughter was fighting for her life inside of me--probably due to all of the stress--and I knew something had to give. One thing after the other kept popping up. I was getting sicker by the day, I was emotionally bankrupt, had pretty much lost everything I owned physically...I mean, you name it and it happened.
It took me getting into the presence of God on a daily basis to come out of that depression. To top it all off, my marriage was severely affected by it all, and I was to the point that I just didn't care about anything anymore. I remember telling my mom once during the pregnancy, that I wasn't even sure I loved my daughter who was growing inside of me. Can you imagine testifying about all of these wonderful things that you are so sure is about to happen, finding out you're pregnant out of the blue, being sick all day every day, losing everything you owned, relationship falling apart, seemingly no one to turn to...I was just DONE!
But, when my little girl entered the world some months ago, I saw life so differently. She gave me a reason to not give up. To keep fighting. To keep going after the best. She taught me that it doesn't matter if the world knows my name, I am still somebody. I am her mother.
Just the other day, I found out some more disturbing news concerning the company that published my book.(I'll tell y'all about that later) It's a sad situation because people just refuse to do the right thing. SMH But, y'all know what? I'm going to keep on writing great books. I am not going to let nothing turn me around! I mean that.
So, y'all pray for a sista'! I know when it is all said and done, God is going to be exalted and everything the devil meant for bad, God is going to make it good!
Well, the baby is waking up, so I gotta run. I'll check back in with you all later!
Oh, and everyone is asking when Diary 2 will be released. We are looking at an August release date b/c I was late finishing it. If that happens, how about we get together and do a birthday/release party?? What y'all think? :-)
Until later, I love you, my blog-a-babies!
Keep it real!
Monday, June 21, 2010
You Can't Even Be Serious!
Hey, y'all!
Okay, so I'm going to make this real short and sweet. (I'll try--lol) I've been pondering this all day long, because what I'm about to say honestly hurt me. And, when I was thinking about what I wanted to write on the blog today, I reminded myself that I made a promise to always keep it real.
So, with that being said...
I was at church this morning sharing some exciting news with someone. And, after she rejoiced with me, she said, "Lady D, are you going to make this announcement to the church?" I said, "I sure am. Why not?" Well, in an effort to do what she felt was protecting me from my haters, she said, "Well, you know some people are complaining that they are tired of hearing about what's going on with you and your book, etc, etc."
Y'all I was floored. I was like, huh? Are you kidding me? You can't be serious! Why would any real Christian have an issue with me testifying about the goodness of God? I'm like the church family should be able to rejoice with you even when the haters in the street won't. I am going to be honest. This made me mad. And, I mean MAD as you know what! Ugh! Now I know with every blessing comes persecution. But, goodness. I can't testify in church?? Really?? Like for real?? You know what? I feel that if someone is attending church and get tired of hearing about the goodness of God in somebody's life, one should question whether church is even a place they should go.
See, this is the kind of stuff I was talking about on my earlier blog. CHURCH PEOPLE. Christians don't hate on other Christians. They rejoice with one another. They applaud one another. Because I believe if God is blessing my neighbor, that means He's in my neighborhood!
Point being...don't let jealousy consume you. Your day is coming. God is going to do something supernatural in your life. In the meantime, give Him praise for what He's doing in the lives of those around you. One day a blessing with your name on it will land on your doorstep!
Hope I haven't offended anyone. I'm just what? KEEPING IT REAL!
Love you to life!
----
The One & Only,
D. Wash
Okay, so I'm going to make this real short and sweet. (I'll try--lol) I've been pondering this all day long, because what I'm about to say honestly hurt me. And, when I was thinking about what I wanted to write on the blog today, I reminded myself that I made a promise to always keep it real.
So, with that being said...
I was at church this morning sharing some exciting news with someone. And, after she rejoiced with me, she said, "Lady D, are you going to make this announcement to the church?" I said, "I sure am. Why not?" Well, in an effort to do what she felt was protecting me from my haters, she said, "Well, you know some people are complaining that they are tired of hearing about what's going on with you and your book, etc, etc."
Y'all I was floored. I was like, huh? Are you kidding me? You can't be serious! Why would any real Christian have an issue with me testifying about the goodness of God? I'm like the church family should be able to rejoice with you even when the haters in the street won't. I am going to be honest. This made me mad. And, I mean MAD as you know what! Ugh! Now I know with every blessing comes persecution. But, goodness. I can't testify in church?? Really?? Like for real?? You know what? I feel that if someone is attending church and get tired of hearing about the goodness of God in somebody's life, one should question whether church is even a place they should go.
See, this is the kind of stuff I was talking about on my earlier blog. CHURCH PEOPLE. Christians don't hate on other Christians. They rejoice with one another. They applaud one another. Because I believe if God is blessing my neighbor, that means He's in my neighborhood!
Point being...don't let jealousy consume you. Your day is coming. God is going to do something supernatural in your life. In the meantime, give Him praise for what He's doing in the lives of those around you. One day a blessing with your name on it will land on your doorstep!
Hope I haven't offended anyone. I'm just what? KEEPING IT REAL!
Love you to life!
----
The One & Only,
D. Wash
Friday, June 18, 2010
Sometimes I Just Don't Give A...
Hey, y'all!
First of all, please don't stone me for the title of this segment, ok?? You know I must keep it real. I had planned on continuing the story from the other day on this blog. But, I just wanted to share what's presently on my heart. I must admit. I had sort of a rough day. I'm sure you've had one of those before, too.
As I was saying the other day, church folk can be a hot mess! So, what tends to happen in the lives of church leaders after living a continuous life for other people; is you lose yourself--within yourself. You sorta forget that you have real feelings, real emotions, real hurts, and real pains. I know for me being a first lady, it has been hard trying to mask those things. But, that's what I was taught. Never let 'em see you sweat. Never let 'em see you cry. I truly believed at one point, that expressing emotions were a borderline sin unless you were jerking and twitching because you felt the Holy Spirit move you! I felt if I had a bad day, I was allowing the enemy to defeat me. I felt that if I thought the wrong thing, the Lord himself would send down legions of angels to chastise me. God forbid I made a mistake, or sinned on purpose--you couldn't convince me that life wouldn't be over for me and all of my blessings would cease. The pressure to live a near perfect life often times have been extremely overwhelming.
Now, don't get me wrong. I know that with this territory comes a different responsibility to stay above par. I realize that Pastors/spouses are held to a higher standard than what some folk call 'regular' people. But, one should never forget that there are days when we are just 'regular' people. We want to sit back and enjoy life without always being under the microscope. We want to experience the joys and the pains of life without having to always be on display.
So, recently, I've been having more and more days where I just don't give a...
Some people will read this blog and say, "Oh, my God, I can't believe that she--a First Lady--is saying such a thing." But, if the truth be told, a lot of people feel the same way I do. They just don't have avenues to express it, or they are worried if the church is going to blast them for being something I call 'human'. I think as church leaders we have done our congregations an injustice by tempting them to believe that we have it all together. We have become public successes and private failures. As a result, no one is being delivered. No one is truly being set free. I am tired of the front. I am tired of the facade. I have decided that from now on, I am going to be me and feel what I'm going to feel. And, if I don't get the award for being the most super spiritual saint of the year, all is still well. As long as the life I'm living is ministering to someone--even if it means being transparent about my struggles--then I'll sleep at night. My grandmother used to always say, "Whatever you do for the Lord...just let it be real!"
So, let's keep it real, y'all! Take off the mask once and for all. Let the world see who you really are. Some days you'll feel like a warrior. Some days you'll feel you've never fought a battle in your life. Guess what? Either way it is okay. You are still a child of God. You will always belong to Him.
Sometimes I am on a spiritual high, and the devil himself can't get or take me down.
Then, there are times when I just really don't give a...
Today was one of those days. Tonight was one of those nights. So, as the old people used to say, "Pray my strength in the Lord!"
Can you handle that? ;-)
--
The One & Only,
D. Wash
First of all, please don't stone me for the title of this segment, ok?? You know I must keep it real. I had planned on continuing the story from the other day on this blog. But, I just wanted to share what's presently on my heart. I must admit. I had sort of a rough day. I'm sure you've had one of those before, too.
As I was saying the other day, church folk can be a hot mess! So, what tends to happen in the lives of church leaders after living a continuous life for other people; is you lose yourself--within yourself. You sorta forget that you have real feelings, real emotions, real hurts, and real pains. I know for me being a first lady, it has been hard trying to mask those things. But, that's what I was taught. Never let 'em see you sweat. Never let 'em see you cry. I truly believed at one point, that expressing emotions were a borderline sin unless you were jerking and twitching because you felt the Holy Spirit move you! I felt if I had a bad day, I was allowing the enemy to defeat me. I felt that if I thought the wrong thing, the Lord himself would send down legions of angels to chastise me. God forbid I made a mistake, or sinned on purpose--you couldn't convince me that life wouldn't be over for me and all of my blessings would cease. The pressure to live a near perfect life often times have been extremely overwhelming.
Now, don't get me wrong. I know that with this territory comes a different responsibility to stay above par. I realize that Pastors/spouses are held to a higher standard than what some folk call 'regular' people. But, one should never forget that there are days when we are just 'regular' people. We want to sit back and enjoy life without always being under the microscope. We want to experience the joys and the pains of life without having to always be on display.
So, recently, I've been having more and more days where I just don't give a...
Some people will read this blog and say, "Oh, my God, I can't believe that she--a First Lady--is saying such a thing." But, if the truth be told, a lot of people feel the same way I do. They just don't have avenues to express it, or they are worried if the church is going to blast them for being something I call 'human'. I think as church leaders we have done our congregations an injustice by tempting them to believe that we have it all together. We have become public successes and private failures. As a result, no one is being delivered. No one is truly being set free. I am tired of the front. I am tired of the facade. I have decided that from now on, I am going to be me and feel what I'm going to feel. And, if I don't get the award for being the most super spiritual saint of the year, all is still well. As long as the life I'm living is ministering to someone--even if it means being transparent about my struggles--then I'll sleep at night. My grandmother used to always say, "Whatever you do for the Lord...just let it be real!"
So, let's keep it real, y'all! Take off the mask once and for all. Let the world see who you really are. Some days you'll feel like a warrior. Some days you'll feel you've never fought a battle in your life. Guess what? Either way it is okay. You are still a child of God. You will always belong to Him.
Sometimes I am on a spiritual high, and the devil himself can't get or take me down.
Then, there are times when I just really don't give a...
Today was one of those days. Tonight was one of those nights. So, as the old people used to say, "Pray my strength in the Lord!"
Can you handle that? ;-)
--
The One & Only,
D. Wash
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Day I Realized I Didn't Like Church Folk!
Hey, blog-a-boo's!
I gotta get accustomed to this blog thing! Lol! I totally forgot to write something yesterday. Then again, am I supposed to write something everyday?? Oh, well...
So...I figured today I would talk a little about my childhood and growing up as a preacher's kid. The reason this is so important to note, is because you would think after seeing what my parents went through in church--and with church folk--the last thing I would do is marry a preacher!!! But, Lord have mercy. That's exactly what I did.
Growing up, it was fairly easy being a preachers kid. Although nobody knew my name, and only referred to me as being "Reverend Winter's daughter", my younger years went pretty smooth. It wasn't until I was around twelve years old that I begin to see the dark side of church and ministry. As a matter of fact, the first time I ever saw my dad cry was after a board meeting at church with a group of Deacons. So, from that day on, I despised Deacons. I thought they were all sent from hell--by the devil himself--to torture my daddy! You have to know that my dad was my hero, and it's a tough and hurting thing to watch your hero be brought to tears. O. Em. Gee. I wanted to march my twelve-year old little self right up to those Deacons, and kick them where my momma told me to kick any man who ever tried to hurt me. (Don't stone me, I was 12 y'all--lol!) And, if I had had the nerve to do it, I would have done it and would have taken the butt whooping I was sure to get later, with pride. (Told y'all I have to keep it real)
So, anyway, that was about the time when I started viewing ministry more as a burden than a blessing. I would watch people shout on Sunday mornings,and act like heathens at choir rehearsal. They would argue and bicker over who was going to lead this song, and which choir member they were NOT going to sit by. Just petty. But, seeing that even until this very day, I've never gotten an opportunity to choose my church, I had to observe such things--often in silence.
One Sunday morning, I decided to sit next to my mother. I was probably around fourteen years old at the time, which meant that it was a rare Sunday morning to find me sitting next to her. When I was growing up, it was a big deal when you were finally released to sit with your friends during church. But, on this particular day I decided to be a kid again. Service was underway, and before long an usher came strolling up to my mother, passing her a note. I turned away, but no sooner than I could refocus my attention on what my father was saying as he began his sermon; my mom was nudging me in my arm. She had tears in her eyes. Immediately, I thought maybe someone had died. I took the note from her shaking hands, and what I saw caused rage to swell up in me like an ocean's tide. I swung around to try and find the usher who had brought the note. I wanted to know where it had originated from. Not able to hold in her tears any longer, my mom rushed out the side door that led to my father's office. I was dead on her heels, because I wanted her to know that she should never let a hater see you cry.
Once in the office, she released her hurt and anger. I stood speechless not knowing what to do, as my mother cried. I wanted to punch the walls. I wanted to go grab the microphone from my father and challenge the note writer to a one-on-one outside. I wanted to tell my dad that he had to quit this church. First, I'd seen my father crying because of Deacons. Now, my mom was crying because of some insensitive woman who had written her a note that said, "I f*cked your husband last night." Some people said she should have ignored it. But, when you're already under pressure to present yourself as Superwoman, it doesn't take much for you to crack. And, that one note had her wondering so many things. Who sent it? What did she look like? Was it true? If it was true, did anyone else know? Yes, she wanted to trust her husband--she did trust him. Yes, she knew he had been at home with her the night before. But, had he been there the entire night? When you're caught off guard like that, the thoughts go from one extreme to another.
It was that day that I realized that I didn't like church folk. I had no problems with real Christians. But, church folk I couldn't stand.
Whew! I better stop right here for the night. Lol! I'll pick up tomorrow.
Until then, keep it 100!
The One & Only,
D. Wash
I gotta get accustomed to this blog thing! Lol! I totally forgot to write something yesterday. Then again, am I supposed to write something everyday?? Oh, well...
So...I figured today I would talk a little about my childhood and growing up as a preacher's kid. The reason this is so important to note, is because you would think after seeing what my parents went through in church--and with church folk--the last thing I would do is marry a preacher!!! But, Lord have mercy. That's exactly what I did.
Growing up, it was fairly easy being a preachers kid. Although nobody knew my name, and only referred to me as being "Reverend Winter's daughter", my younger years went pretty smooth. It wasn't until I was around twelve years old that I begin to see the dark side of church and ministry. As a matter of fact, the first time I ever saw my dad cry was after a board meeting at church with a group of Deacons. So, from that day on, I despised Deacons. I thought they were all sent from hell--by the devil himself--to torture my daddy! You have to know that my dad was my hero, and it's a tough and hurting thing to watch your hero be brought to tears. O. Em. Gee. I wanted to march my twelve-year old little self right up to those Deacons, and kick them where my momma told me to kick any man who ever tried to hurt me. (Don't stone me, I was 12 y'all--lol!) And, if I had had the nerve to do it, I would have done it and would have taken the butt whooping I was sure to get later, with pride. (Told y'all I have to keep it real)
So, anyway, that was about the time when I started viewing ministry more as a burden than a blessing. I would watch people shout on Sunday mornings,and act like heathens at choir rehearsal. They would argue and bicker over who was going to lead this song, and which choir member they were NOT going to sit by. Just petty. But, seeing that even until this very day, I've never gotten an opportunity to choose my church, I had to observe such things--often in silence.
One Sunday morning, I decided to sit next to my mother. I was probably around fourteen years old at the time, which meant that it was a rare Sunday morning to find me sitting next to her. When I was growing up, it was a big deal when you were finally released to sit with your friends during church. But, on this particular day I decided to be a kid again. Service was underway, and before long an usher came strolling up to my mother, passing her a note. I turned away, but no sooner than I could refocus my attention on what my father was saying as he began his sermon; my mom was nudging me in my arm. She had tears in her eyes. Immediately, I thought maybe someone had died. I took the note from her shaking hands, and what I saw caused rage to swell up in me like an ocean's tide. I swung around to try and find the usher who had brought the note. I wanted to know where it had originated from. Not able to hold in her tears any longer, my mom rushed out the side door that led to my father's office. I was dead on her heels, because I wanted her to know that she should never let a hater see you cry.
Once in the office, she released her hurt and anger. I stood speechless not knowing what to do, as my mother cried. I wanted to punch the walls. I wanted to go grab the microphone from my father and challenge the note writer to a one-on-one outside. I wanted to tell my dad that he had to quit this church. First, I'd seen my father crying because of Deacons. Now, my mom was crying because of some insensitive woman who had written her a note that said, "I f*cked your husband last night." Some people said she should have ignored it. But, when you're already under pressure to present yourself as Superwoman, it doesn't take much for you to crack. And, that one note had her wondering so many things. Who sent it? What did she look like? Was it true? If it was true, did anyone else know? Yes, she wanted to trust her husband--she did trust him. Yes, she knew he had been at home with her the night before. But, had he been there the entire night? When you're caught off guard like that, the thoughts go from one extreme to another.
It was that day that I realized that I didn't like church folk. I had no problems with real Christians. But, church folk I couldn't stand.
Whew! I better stop right here for the night. Lol! I'll pick up tomorrow.
Until then, keep it 100!
The One & Only,
D. Wash
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Diary of A Mad First Lady
I get questions all of the time from readers wanting to know if my book is loosely based on my life. The answer is, "YES!" And, y'all should know that I'm not afraid to talk about anything that I've been through. I believe strongly in being as transparent with people as possible because I've ran into enough superficial, self-righteous people trying to live so holy that they can't share their struggles. I'ma just keep it real at all times!
So, in my book and in the books to come, I write and will write, about some things that have happened to me, as well as how I reacted to them. I can't say that I've always made the right decisions but I can say that I've tried to.
I got married when I was 16 years old. I became a first lady at the age of 17. Since that time, I've often wondered why somebody didn't slap me before I said, "I Do". Well, actually, they did try to slap me. I just slapped back. LOL! I was very adamant about getting married because I felt that was what God wanted me to do. I was NOT pregnant as I was rumored to be. I just simply did it because I felt I was obeying God. In hindsight, I don't know if I would do it all over again. Don't get me wrong; being a first lady has had its rewards, but the challenges that I've encountered has sometimes blinded me from the joys of both marriage and ministry.
I know people are interested in knowing personal details about my life, and in the next several blogs, I plan to share with all of you in the blog-a-sphere, several parts of my testimony. This won't be the blog for you if you're expecting to read about a perfect woman. But, it is the blog for you if you're ready to read about an imperfect woman who still struggles at times; but who serves a perfect God who is always waiting to pick me up when I fall.
In the meantime be blessed & keep it real!
The One & Only,
D. Wash
So, in my book and in the books to come, I write and will write, about some things that have happened to me, as well as how I reacted to them. I can't say that I've always made the right decisions but I can say that I've tried to.
I got married when I was 16 years old. I became a first lady at the age of 17. Since that time, I've often wondered why somebody didn't slap me before I said, "I Do". Well, actually, they did try to slap me. I just slapped back. LOL! I was very adamant about getting married because I felt that was what God wanted me to do. I was NOT pregnant as I was rumored to be. I just simply did it because I felt I was obeying God. In hindsight, I don't know if I would do it all over again. Don't get me wrong; being a first lady has had its rewards, but the challenges that I've encountered has sometimes blinded me from the joys of both marriage and ministry.
I know people are interested in knowing personal details about my life, and in the next several blogs, I plan to share with all of you in the blog-a-sphere, several parts of my testimony. This won't be the blog for you if you're expecting to read about a perfect woman. But, it is the blog for you if you're ready to read about an imperfect woman who still struggles at times; but who serves a perfect God who is always waiting to pick me up when I fall.
In the meantime be blessed & keep it real!
The One & Only,
D. Wash
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