Sometimes I Just Don't Give A...

Hey, y'all!

First of all, please don't stone me for the title of this segment, ok?? You know I must keep it real. I had planned on continuing the story from the other day on this blog. But, I just wanted to share what's presently on my heart. I must admit. I had sort of a rough day. I'm sure you've had one of those before, too.

As I was saying the other day, church folk can be a hot mess! So, what tends to happen in the lives of church leaders after living a continuous life for other people; is you lose yourself--within yourself. You sorta forget that you have real feelings, real emotions, real hurts, and real pains. I know for me being a first lady, it has been hard trying to mask those things. But, that's what I was taught. Never let 'em see you sweat. Never let 'em see you cry. I truly believed at one point, that expressing emotions were a borderline sin unless you were jerking and twitching because you felt the Holy Spirit move you! I felt if I had a bad day, I was allowing the enemy to defeat me. I felt that if I thought the wrong thing, the Lord himself would send down legions of angels to chastise me. God forbid I made a mistake, or sinned on purpose--you couldn't convince me that life wouldn't be over for me and all of my blessings would cease. The pressure to live a near perfect life often times have been extremely overwhelming.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know that with this territory comes a different responsibility to stay above par. I realize that Pastors/spouses are held to a higher standard than what some folk call 'regular' people. But, one should never forget that there are days when we are just 'regular' people. We want to sit back and enjoy life without always being under the microscope. We want to experience the joys and the pains of life without having to always be on display.

So, recently, I've been having more and more days where I just don't give a...

Some people will read this blog and say, "Oh, my God, I can't believe that she--a First Lady--is saying such a thing." But, if the truth be told, a lot of people feel the same way I do. They just don't have avenues to express it, or they are worried if the church is going to blast them for being something I call 'human'. I think as church leaders we have done our congregations an injustice by tempting them to believe that we have it all together. We have become public successes and private failures. As a result, no one is being delivered. No one is truly being set free. I am tired of the front. I am tired of the facade. I have decided that from now on, I am going to be me and feel what I'm going to feel. And, if I don't get the award for being the most super spiritual saint of the year, all is still well. As long as the life I'm living is ministering to someone--even if it means being transparent about my struggles--then I'll sleep at night. My grandmother used to always say, "Whatever you do for the Lord...just let it be real!"

So, let's keep it real, y'all! Take off the mask once and for all. Let the world see who you really are. Some days you'll feel like a warrior. Some days you'll feel you've never fought a battle in your life. Guess what? Either way it is okay. You are still a child of God. You will always belong to Him.

Sometimes I am on a spiritual high, and the devil himself can't get or take me down.

Then, there are times when I just really don't give a...

Today was one of those days. Tonight was one of those nights. So, as the old people used to say, "Pray my strength in the Lord!"

Can you handle that? ;-)


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The One & Only,

D. Wash